This is my first attempt to write a blog. well i went through a few blogs to see what people actually write. Most of it is about themselves. So i will follow the trend and write about myself...... but who the hell will read about me............ME. So i will become my own follower. I have no ego prob about having a lot of followers.
There is one thing that i have always wondered about............ i hope somebody can provide me an answer to that...................... WHAT IS "ME". What is that at this particular moment i am sitting in this particular body. What is it that constitutes me. Where do i exist. What is it that makes me feel, and why do i feel in that particular way. If there is an exact replica of me or a clone of me will i feel that i exist in that body too. I don't think so............i will still be me. This is where i feel somehow the religion takes the upper-hand and science takes a backseat.
The other question i never got an answer was about the infinity of time and space. What is beyond the milky way all the galaxies beyond all the stars. what was there before it all started before the existence of matter or it existed forever and will exist forever. What will happen to everything. What will happen to "ME" after i died. There will always be a lot of unanswered questions. But why i am asking all these questions. I always have. Why am i here. why am i living. It will all end one day. then whats the point in living. And whatever goes by in life never comes back. I cant go back. And when i look back at my life sometimes i feel it has gone so fast. Thinking about all this i sometimes feel "Is there anything that matters in life". Everything that has a beginning has an end. So how does it matter if somebody lives for 20 years or a 100 years. How much Bill Gates can earn whatever he does in his life he will also die one day. Everyone does. And for all practical purposes this world for me started the day i was born and it ends the day i die. A very selfish thought but its true. Well all these thoughts came to my mind when i was 16 or 17yrs and still i have not found an answer to all these questions. The only thing that tries to answer them is religion. And i hope that it is right. But more confusing is that different religions give different answers also. I for that matter being a scientific person have been too preoccupied with reasoning. After all this i just remember what i read somewhere "Man is not made to understand life but to live it" so i gave up trying to find answers and started living life. The only positives i got from this thought process was that if nothing matters in life then why take tension about anything. I am still an explorer trying to understand life. I have always wanted to know about the history. And will try to explore the geography. I want to see the world and see how the people live and why do they behave in a certain way. And also trying to explore myself why the hell do i behave in a certain way in a certain circumstance............not that it really matters but i have to do something to keep me occupied in my life. Sometimes i feel all this has made me crazy. I think so differently. If nothing matters in life then nothing is right or wrong or nothing is good or bad. I have developed my own way of thinking. As always i have been a very free thinker. And I was thinking all this from the age of 16 years.
I have most of my life been alone. And actually i have enjoyed that part a lot. In my school days i never knew what getting bored is. I am the only child of my parents and both my parents working. I hardly had any friends as i was a very introvert child. But i was happy very happy from inside. Good thing about all this was that so many of my thoughts were original not adulterated. I never got biased by others. The bad part is that i still find it difficult to socialize. Whatever i did have a happy childhood. I used to devise my own games..........games that i could play alone.......used to compete with myself. It was fun real fun. And i can still enjoy all by myself.......within myself. I can go out for shopping, watching movies, having food outside alone and enjoy. Good thing about being alone and creating my own games, and the original thoughts was that i became an innovator of sort. Always trying to find simple solutions for problems. I will conclude at this point not because i have nothing to write but as i have to conclude somewhere. Will continue in the next blog.....................
